Diary For Imlek 2020

Some lesson learned for Imlek 2020

• Leaving girlfriend alone during imlek day, spending imlek day at home doing nothing.Trapped in the zonk and failed situation.

Lesson Learned: Girlfriend first and need to plan everything better. Put the heavy discussion

• Imlek at PJBI, missing a chance to have real conversation to suhu Giri. \

Lesson Learned: Need to use the opportunity better to visit him at Kuti

• Missing chance to have professional talk with Romo Krishna.
• Lesson Learned: Need to refresh and reincrease social skills again (Maybe try to join more evenbrite ? )
• Still have a lot of to do list
• Good News: Already Purchased ticket to Bangkok.

Bad or Good Who Knows (2)

Its New Year Again, and In My Place, flood are everywhere.

One interesting moment was a rain in my place, started from 5 pm until 10.30 pm, December 31th.

Then the rain stopped for 2 hours, allowing firewors festival happening.

Aftet the new year moment pass, the rain come down straight for next 12 hours !

It was the hell for everyone, car was washed away by flood and insects came out everywhere out of the flood.

However, the condition was quite nice for me, because I can just stay at home, feel the comfort and warmth.

The only drawback was no food delivery was available during a night before new year eve and i sleep with starving stomach. on the new year day, I ordered pizza with delivery price three times higher than usual !

Happy New Year !

placeholder://Car in Flood

Her – Mine

Let me formally introduce you, C, as I think this is the best time to refresh and reflect everything.

Its already officially more than a  year since we start together.

I do understand that love with an attachment will bring conflict, pain, and suffering, although I just felt it several days ago. We quarreled once every day, for straight 4 days, like any action I did were wrong.

First, in Taman Anggrek Mall, Second, when I was late picking her up and Last, is a smaller quarrel at the room.

I felt angry at that time, and it was the part that worsening our quarrel.

Why? Its because I was fighting back as well, keep thinking that I was on the right side. Why I act so defensive? Its because I experienced a similar experience at home when mom keeps quarreling about anything that becomes too much.

The lesson learned is that my tolerance is decreasing and I have to learn to increase it again. One way to do that is by increasing more mindfulness practice, managed expectations when receiving anger and try to become empty bottle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I nailed It – 4 Times

This is another story about tough journey on PTE, as a memo of reminding myself about the difficulties within it

The Irony of Work

As a former technology consultant in Accenture, I surely always be exposed to the latest technology trend in the industry. In fact, Accenture is one of the companies that drive towards those exciting trends: Named AI, Predictive Analytics, Automation, Blockchain, etc.

Only Accenture, in Indonesia, can sell the new technology first like RPA and Predictive Analytics to traditional Giant Company

However, the irony is that I never really delves into that trend when working in the company. I felt that I keep left behind within the hype of the new technology.

One of the reason is that the working hour which takes entire weekdays. On the weekend, you have either no more energy or other-self project to achieve

One of the positive sides is that you have an opportunity to work on a real project and real engagement. I used to work for RPA technology which was relatively new during the time. However, if you did not get the right role, you will end up learning a wide variety of things without deep knowledge and understanding, seriously.

The Way To Reward Myself

I was wondering, what is the best way to reward myself.

The answer is it depends.

However, after staying for 22 months in Accenture, I tried to redo what I used to do in the past again…

Acquiring new information about everything and

Write this blog post.

Let me elaborate those points in more details.

Acquiring new information about everything

It means that I could re-learn any new information related to other work stuff  such as mindfulness training and trend, economics, mandarin languages, and latest technology trend from various book

Write this blog post.

I can do reflection again and do as much as reflective writing like I used to be 2 years ago

In this way, I hope that I can take the first step to reward my self

Sharing for Love, Practice for Love

Our First Photo

There were a bunch of interesting events in these past 5 months after I started my job. However, too many things that prevented me to write another post again, ranging from mild depression, thinking about the future, what sort achievement that I already really have and what is the next step of my life, the real purpose I mean.

 

Occasionally, I felt being lonely which makes me thinking to find a partner, a friend for life, and someone whom I can talk and share a lot with.  I thought about it for a long time ago…

 

It was hard for me to find the perfect balance of finding someone while pursuing my goal, which I had set up before I got the scholarship. Therefore, I decided to stay back a little bit and focused my energy on studying two years ago. However, event after accomplished all of my goal  – with the series of lonely feeling – , and finally started my job again, I was drowned into deep anxiety again. It forced me to rethink about all of my purpose of life which make me unsure whether I can finding a perfect soulmate for love.

 

 

And I met you, Even though we have known each other before, It’s not until I really meet you and have a deep , meaningful conversation from the bottom of the heart. You shared the same dream that I used to have, we have the same faith about the truth and life, also you have been experienced a lot of pain, which definitely make you stronger. The moment I  know you more, at that moment, I believe that we can start a life together. It is not about beautifully crafted love words that packaged by good poem and artistic writing, but more than that, It is all about how you and me can share the common goal and practice together, both in the spiritual and real life. Thanks for accepting me and our definition of love. It still a long way I guess, but as we started as a grown up, not a childish one, I do believe that we can face the problem as a grown up couple as well. Love you ❤

Two Months

Two months has been passed since I came home. Finally, after unemployed for 1,5 months, I started my first full time job. I supposed to have a peaceful journey of job searching while enjoying my after life graduation job. Instead, I stressed out my life, trying to get the best job. Even after 2 weeks of my first day, it still gave me a lot of insecurities within it. For instance, I believe that I have to get a certification if I want to survive after probation.

My life eventually is stabilized now. I do not fell any anxiety like I used to fell a month ago. After this acceptance, my feeling still jump and forth about the decision whether I should pursue the way to get PR, which is going to cost me a lot of money and the risk of uncertain future, or just continue the ordinary life like other people doing, working, get a mortgage, get married, having a children and raising them.

I really don’t have anything to write here, since my life here is quite standardized, nowhere to go, nothing to write. Recently,  I keep thinking about getting another girlfriend, since I thought that if I want to get into deep relationship, I have to invest on it, time and money. However, after watched several videos and reiterated back about what I had gone through in Australia, my journey and everything, my feeling become easier now. Therefore, let see what will happen in the future, while I am continuing to do what I used to do. Study and prepare for the next couple of years.

 

 

Welcome Back

Its the 9th day after a year and half in Sydney. Unexpectedly, a lot of things around here made me stressed up. The main driver, I think, its about job searching process. What I want to do, what kind of job I want to perform, and of course, salary pressure (read:money). After several sleepless nights, I realized that one of the main source is the high expectation, that does not really match up with reality. First, I expect to be viewed by my parents as a success person and my main dream was bringing them to traveling holiday overseas. Yet, It did not happen, because I need to fly up again for the job interview. Plus, I came back with a such of very thin posture and made everyone think that I was suffering a lot, which is I didn’t. The condition was worsened by my parents, who keep saying to ask very high salary, which I don’t think it doesn’t make sense at all. But, the more I explained to my parents, the more I feel, “Is it this thing the reality that I told my parents, that their salary expectation is doesn’t make sense, or is it just my low self esteem that prevent me to ask a higher salary?” Again, its all about money. I was thinking that over the 1,5 years in Sydney, I already collected enough money to have descent life, bring my parents holiday traveling, and buy new vehicle. I have a descent life, yes, I rented the most expensive room, with complete facility. However, when the reality struck me, that the situation has not really changed. I still stay in the same area, going to the small restaurant around the same area like I used to be 1,5 years ago before I went to Sydney. All of these things, stresse me out and make me keep thinking to find a way to going back to Sydney soon.

Well, I guess I little bit to impatient. A job interview still on the process. I still have at max 4 years to prepare everything, like I planned before. Learned how to drive, get a date (probably). Again, the reality that everyone is same like I used to be a year and half ago is the main thing that might stressed me out. However, it just a matter of time for me to get acceptance. In the deep down of my heart, I also want a recognition, which I didn’t get, that I already get a descent and happy life. The fact that my parents keep asking me for salary, as a indicator of successful criteria, and how society judge you based on how many things you can show up to them, car and house, made me sick.

It is no use that even though I tell them how incredible my experience was during my master degree such as new knowledge, beautiful nature, wild life, new people, new thinking, new culture; in this capitalistic world, people still judge you based on how much money you have by showing up your asset. Before that, people still considered you are not successful, or worse, loser. Since parents had not descent life for years (they try to save everything for their kids), its understandable that they put money, how much you can earn as  success indicator. I was feel very offended at that time, when my parents mocking me about asking such a low salary, like I just made the worst decision of my life and it will destroy me. They keep saying about the overseas graduate with working experience must asking the highest salary. I recognized that this thing had happened when I was graduation from bachelor degree, when my parents keep asking me to apply job overseas because I got very high GPA, ignoring the university indicator. At the end, I failed and ended up in the local job.

Well, the life has to continue. The clock was ticking very slow when I was preparing for my scholarship application. During that time, I sacrifice the opportunity to find a better job for the scholarship that something uncertain. But, at some point, 2 years also passed away very quickly. Then, there were also moments in Sydney when the clock was ticking very slow and quick.

The clock keep slowing down ticking at the moment, it will be back to the point when I am preparing for the next english test, but the goal is different, its not for scholarship anymore. I have to be more patient, try to ignore more of the society expectation, and life in my way